My husband and I communicate very differently, its always been a bit of a struggle for us. I tend to be easy going and she the glass as half full and my husband is, well, the opposite. I had always justified my frustration or even my "reprimanding" his behavior because I was the "calm" one. However after reading various parts of Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, by Dr. John Gottman, I have found how wrong I have been and I have learned some very useful tactics in supporting my husband and also my daughter who tends to communicate the same way he does. In Dr. Gottman's book his third principle "Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away" teaches us to build emotional bank accounts, have stress-reducing talks every day, and talking it out when you two aren't on the same page.
What I benefited most from was the section on stress reducing talks, primarily these main points:
- Take turns to complain.
- Show genuine interest.
- Don't give unsolicited advice.
- Communicate your understanding.
- Take your partners side.
- Express a "we against others" attitude.
- Show affection
- Validate emotions.
I found that the section on not giving unsolicited advice "When someone you love expresses pain, it's natural to want to fix the problem or make the person feel better. But often times your spouse isn't asking you to come up with a solution at all-just to be a good listener or offer a ready shoulder to cry on." as well as the section on taking your partners side and a "we attitude" to be extremely useful. After reading these sections I found that I was definitely lacking in these areas and able to see how I can be a better listener and supporter of my husband in the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment