Pride

In the book  Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD, "Love is not a happy accident; it's a choice." (pg 83)

When we first fall in love the feelings are quite intense, it seems that being away from the one you love is even painful, as we grow and time passes these feelings of intensity fade, not necessary the intensity of the love but the feelings that you can't spend a second away from the one you love. However, life moves on and feelings can fluctuate.

Elder Lynn G. Robbins said "Too many believe that love is a condition, a feeling that involves 100 percent of the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than romance—a love that is the most profound form of loyalty. He is teaching us that love is something more than feelings of the heart; it is also a covenant we keep with soul and mind."

This covenant we keep is a promise that we will strive to continue to love our partners, it should unbreakable and continually built upon to make it stronger.

Stephen R. Covey has said that "Love is a verb, it is an action... All our relationships follow the contours of life; they have ups and downs. This is why our families provide a critical measure of our character—and the opportunity, again and again to nurture it.”6 (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site." We must choose to love and keep loving. In these choices we must choose to sacrifice, compromise, uplift, support, repent, forgive, and continually strive to come together

Staying Emotionally Connected

My husband and I communicate very differently, its always been a bit of a struggle for us. I tend to be easy going and she the glass as half full and my husband is, well, the opposite. I had always justified my frustration or even my "reprimanding" his behavior because I was the "calm" one. However after reading various parts of Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work, by Dr. John Gottman, I have found how wrong I have been and I have learned some very useful tactics in supporting my husband and also my daughter who tends to communicate the same way he does. In Dr. Gottman's book his third principle "Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away" teaches us to build emotional bank accounts, have stress-reducing talks every day, and talking it out when you two aren't on the same page.

What I benefited most from was the section on stress reducing talks, primarily these main points:

1. Take turns to complain.
2.  Show genuine interest.
3. Don't give unsolicited advice.
4. Communicate your understanding.
5. Take your partners side.
6. Express a "we against others" attitude.
7. Show affection
8. Validate emotions.

I found that the section on not giving unsolicited advice "When someone you love expresses pain, it's natural to want to fix the problem or make the person feel better. But often times your spouse isn't asking you to come up with a solution at all-just to be a good listener or offer a ready shoulder to cry on." as well as the section on taking your partners side and a "we attitude" to be extremely useful. After reading these sections I found that I was definitely lacking in these areas and able to see how I can be a better listener and supporter of my husband in the future. 

Cherishing Your Spouse

In this modern world we are used to getting things right away, we are often flooded with images of perfect lives on social media, and are told that if we should always be happy and if not it is okay to leave a situation. We often use this flawed thinking on our marriages. Spencer W. Kimball has said "Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money; it cannot be taken for nothing." I believe that all good things take work. Work refines us, strengthens us and teaches us many lessons along the way. 

After being married for 20 years my husband and I have put a lot of work into the life that we have achieved and I know that there will be much more work to come, however as we look back at all we have accomplished together we feel a great sense of satisfaction from the sacrifices we've made and the successes we've had and know that we have ultimately grown closer together as well as closer to our Heavenly Father.

President Spencer W. Kimball also said "Honorable, happy, and successful marriage is surely the principal goal of every normal person. Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations."

This quote is meaningful for me because it puts things into an eternal perspective, allowing me to see that the hard work that we put into this life will bless the multitudes of generations after us, and to me, that really makes it seem worth it.

February 8th Behaviors that Negatively Effect Marriage

H. Wallace Goddard states in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, "There is a quirk in human nature here. Many of us find it easier to minister to the stranger than to the family member. Unexpected service to the stranger is often warmly appreciated. Service to family is expected and often goes unappreciated. As a result many of us cheerfully do for others the things that we grudgingly or sporadically do for family. What would we do if we were less concerned about the rewards or appreciation? Probably we would offer gentle healing regularly to injured family members." Goddard goes onto say that as we continue to "rescue and serve" those injured God has promised us supreme repayment "...we receive in payment a divine bounty of forgiveness."

This section of the book really stuck with me, I've been a mother for close to 20 years, and yes I do a lot that goes unnoticed or unappreciated, but the beauty to me is the extreme joy and happiness I have from it. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I'm a saint, but what I am saying is that I have been blessed by our Heavenly Father. By trying to be charitable to the members in my family I have been able to have my love for them grow and have been able to use the Lords atonement to gain forgiveness and understanding for those I am responsible for.

February 1st Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

In D&C 131:1-4 it reads:

“In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;

“And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];

“And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.

“He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase”

We are taught here that without eternal marriage we are unable to enter into the highest degree of heaven. This covenant marriage is so important, that without it we will not be able to live as God does. I believe that if we can keep this in mind that we will be able to keep in perspective the difference between a covenant marriage and a contractual marriage. 

A contractual marriage does not lead us to be Kings and Queens of heaven, it allows us a certain period of time together which in turn can be broken or can expire, however a covenant marriage can be unbreakable and last for all of eternity.