I would agree with Gottman, that 69% of the problems in a marriage are perpetual. This is something I really wish my husband and I knew early on in our marriage. We are so different in our personalities, abilities and demeanor's that even though we loved each other dearly, those first few years were a little rough. My husband likes things a certain way, and while I do too, I'm way more easy going about things and don't get upset about things too often, especially things that I thought were inconsequential, what I would get upset about was that my husband would be upset about these inconsequential issues. For instance my husband would be so bugged that I would squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube because he liked it to be squeezed from the bottom up. While I would try and remember to squeeze it from the bottom habits are hard to break, and occasionally I would forget of course. When I did he thought I did it on purpose to make him mad....ughhh the pointless arguments we had about toothpaste tubes! How did we solve it? We each have our own tubes of toothpaste now and no more arguments.
The ideal that we will get married and instantly shed any habits that may annoy our spouses in ludicrous. That sad thing is that so many couples get caught up on these annoyances and the arguments that go along with them that they eventually deem their marriage doomed because they feel like they're constantly unhappy. However if they can learn about these perpetual problems and find relatively easy solutions or at least acceptance and understanding and move on to enjoy their marriage and maybe even their spouses idiosyncrasies.
No comments:
Post a Comment