Cherishing Your Spouse

In this modern world we are used to getting things right away, we are often flooded with images of perfect lives on social media, and are told that if we should always be happy and if not it is okay to leave a situation. We often use this flawed thinking on our marriages. Spencer W. Kimball has said "Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money; it cannot be taken for nothing." I believe that all good things take work. Work refines us, strengthens us and teaches us many lessons along the way. 

After being married for 20 years my husband and I have put a lot of work into the life that we have achieved and I know that there will be much more work to come, however as we look back at all we have accomplished together we feel a great sense of satisfaction from the sacrifices we've made and the successes we've had and know that we have ultimately grown closer together as well as closer to our Heavenly Father.

President Spencer W. Kimball also said "Honorable, happy, and successful marriage is surely the principal goal of every normal person. Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations."

This quote is meaningful for me because it puts things into an eternal perspective, allowing me to see that the hard work that we put into this life will bless the multitudes of generations after us, and to me, that really makes it seem worth it.

February 8th Behaviors that Negatively Effect Marriage

H. Wallace Goddard states in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, "There is a quirk in human nature here. Many of us find it easier to minister to the stranger than to the family member. Unexpected service to the stranger is often warmly appreciated. Service to family is expected and often goes unappreciated. As a result many of us cheerfully do for others the things that we grudgingly or sporadically do for family. What would we do if we were less concerned about the rewards or appreciation? Probably we would offer gentle healing regularly to injured family members." Goddard goes onto say that as we continue to "rescue and serve" those injured God has promised us supreme repayment "...we receive in payment a divine bounty of forgiveness."

This section of the book really stuck with me, I've been a mother for close to 20 years, and yes I do a lot that goes unnoticed or unappreciated, but the beauty to me is the extreme joy and happiness I have from it. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I'm a saint, but what I am saying is that I have been blessed by our Heavenly Father. By trying to be charitable to the members in my family I have been able to have my love for them grow and have been able to use the Lords atonement to gain forgiveness and understanding for those I am responsible for.

February 1st Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

In D&C 131:1-4 it reads:

“In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;

“And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];

“And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.

“He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase”

We are taught here that without eternal marriage we are unable to enter into the highest degree of heaven. This covenant marriage is so important, that without it we will not be able to live as God does. I believe that if we can keep this in mind that we will be able to keep in perspective the difference between a covenant marriage and a contractual marriage. 

A contractual marriage does not lead us to be Kings and Queens of heaven, it allows us a certain period of time together which in turn can be broken or can expire, however a covenant marriage can be unbreakable and last for all of eternity.

January 25th Threats to Marriage

In a video on www.mormonandgay.lds.org Elder Dalin H. Oaks talks about love and law. He said “We can love the individual and at the same time keep a tight hold on what we know our responsibilities to the law, it’s possible to do so.” He talks about having people around us who are from different backgrounds, different ideas and even different values is great for us, it is how we learn and develop as human beings. He stated how it is imperative that we do not argue with those who are making different choices than us, he said “It is better if we start talking about; Where are you coming from? What are your basic values? What do you want to accomplish? and then in that context we can explain that we are concerned about the Lord’s commandments because what’s important to us is the Lord’s commandments.” He explains that following the Lords commandments leads us back to Him. The Lord commanded us to “Love one another as I have loved you.” If we truly try to be like Jesus we should always include others.

As we try to include and love others, it can also feel like it is in juxtaposition to our beliefs, however we are told by Russel M. Nelson that “Brothers and sisters, undergirded by incontrovertible truth, proclaim your love for God! Proclaim your love for all human beings “with malice toward none, with charity for all.” They as children of God are our brothers and sisters. We value their rights and feelings. But we cannot condone efforts to change divine doctrine. It is not for man to change.”

 Not only should we try to defend God’s doctrine but we also must defend the Constitution. Judge Roberts stated that “Whether same-sex marriage is a good idea should be of no concern to us. Under the Constitution, judges have power to say what the law is, not what it should be. The people who ratified the Constitution authorized courts to exercise “neither force nor will but merely judgment.” The Federalist No. 78, p. 465. We should not allow popular opinion, nor opinion of judges to change the laws.

January 18th Marriage Trends and Divorce

Being that I was born in 1980, and I grew up in a small middle class town in Southern California, I would say that I was most definitely part of a community where 87% of moderately-educated mothers had children within the bonds of marriage. All of my friends’ parents were married except one that I can remember. However now, 20 years out of high school the majority of my friends practiced cohabitation before marriage.

The central idea of Amato’s article on divorce that stuck out to me personally was the fact that children who come from divorced families have a harder time in multiple facets of life. While the world tries to convey that divorce is better for families in crisis and makes it a normality, they look the other way at the hardships the children face. Whether it be economic, emotional, intellectual, or physical. Amato states “Research clearly demonstrates that children growing up with two continuously married parents are less likely than other children to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional and social problems, not only during childhood, but also in adulthood.” (p. 15)

To ensure the preservation of my family in the midst of gathering evil I strive to be a “present” parent. Being active and observant in their everyday life. My husband and I also try our best to be good examples, to be open with our children in our concerns and thoughts and try to share our ideas with them. We work hard to have the spirit preside in our home, have daily family prayer and we are now trying to incorporate the new church curriculum in our home as well.

If a person asked me about the Church’s position on divorce I would say that we try to uphold the bonds or marriage with great solemnity. We believe that marriage is ordained of God and is the natural state. However not all marriages work out, and to that all that can be done should be done to save the marriage before seeking divorce. We should also “realize that marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” (Elder Oaks)

January 11th Intro

President Uchtdorf has said that "Great marriages are built, brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime." Sometimes I think people, including me, think that marriage should be perfect from the get-go, and that if its not there is a fundamental problem. However if you stop to think about it, anything that is usually of great worth takes a lot of work. Our testimonies, our education and relationships are just a few examples of priceless things that take effort and work to build and reap benefits from.

My mother passed away suddenly a few weeks before I was 16, I am the youngest of 8 children and my parents had been married for 32 years when she died. The devastation her death brought to our family was real and had a huge impact but our knowledge of eternal life softened the blow. I know that my sometimes my parents struggled, life got in the way, finances, disagreements but overall I knew that their commitment to each other and common goal of eternal life exceeding their trials. I've tried hard to model my marriage after this thought, that each day we build a little more to our relationship, somedays we may need to remove a broken "brick" but overall we're building a strong and sturdy marriage.